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jenscx · 1 month ago

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[46] DAYLIGHT — comic con dupe

“yena, are you sure this is the correct place?” you ask, eyeing the run down building skeptically. the land surrounding it was almost barren and you would have assumed it to be abandoned if not for the steady stream of people entering.

the girl merely brushes you off and pulls you through the doors, minju and sakura following closely behind. after being checked by security, the doors slide open, and the room is filled with chatter and conversation. your eyes wander past the various booths, set up with merchandise and games alike. at the centre of it all, there was an elaborate stage set up.

“woah,” minju stares in awe, “i thought this was a youtuber event?”

you snap your head backwards, frowning, “youtuber? this is an event for youtubers?”

yena winces but she barely manages to hide it behind the gleeful smile on her face. whipping out her camera, she pushes it into sakura’s hands, who has become well-accustomed as yena’s cameraman.

“hi chat! this is kind of impromptu and i’ve kept it a secret since i want to surprise everyone. currently we are at a convention for youtubers and i’m here with y/n, kkura unnie and minju!” she waves at the camera as viewers start to pile in. you can only groan, knowing that yena had set you up. a convention for youtubers? why did they bring you here? for fun? or did they want you to meet someone?

the smirks plastered across your friends’ faces only prove your hypothesis correct. yet, they didn’t know you were already planning on talking to jimin. the thought of seeing her again made your heart hammer against your chest out of anxiety. there was zero reason for her to keep trying to win you over, especially when you could tell she was fed up. lost in your thoughts, yena

“y/n,” she nudges you, “say something to chat!”

you reluctantly wave while minju puts two thumbs up.

“anyway! we’ll be walking around now,” yena grins, looping her arm through yours so that you couldn’t escape. you can’t believe that somehow, your friends with a combined iq of a hundred, managed to trick you so easily.

as minju and sakura fawn over the merch, you pince yena’s waist. “if i see hyewon, i’m getting the fuck out of here.”

the girl, understandably, stiffens before nodding fervently, “yes ma’am.”

little did you know, jimin was currently fawning over the pokemon merch booth, posing with the plushies while chaewon takes photos for her.

“do you think they’ll let fans in?” yunjin asks nervously, glancing at the crowd outside.

“jimin! don’t do that to charmander!” chaewon shrieks as the influencer opens her mouth to engulf the pokemon in a faux bite. minjeong can only stare wistfully, thinking about the impending demise of jimin when she finally sees you again.

yena had instructed her to bring jimin to the stage, forcing her to conduct an interview, which minjeong could do. she just didn’t know how to pull the older girl away without yunjin or chaewon becoming suspicious. eyeing the nearby booths, minjeong spots a long queue for corndogs.

“hey, can you guys go get us some?” she points at the stall. just as jimin is about to offer to go, minjeong tugs at her sleeve, pouting and putting on her best puppy eyes.

“uhm, girl. let me go?”

“unnie, i need you to stay here with me.”

jimin tilts her head, confused but at minjeong’s insistence, sends yunjin and chaewon off. the moment that they’re alone, minjeong loses her facade and looks around frantically. there’s a few people she recognises, but none of them look eerily similar to her girlfriend. except for a rather prominent black haired figure, currently headed towards her.

“jimin, let’s go over there!” minjeong yanks the older girl away with a yelp.

“wha—”

“hey guys!” she calls out loudly, attracting the attention of the girls. jimin gasps just as the group turns around. minjeong already expects a scolding when they go home but right now, all she can think about is minju’s praise. minjeong grins, pushing jimin slightly to you.

your throat clenches up at the sight of the influencer so close in your proximity. yena’s wide smile only serves as a distinct hint that she was the cause of all this. you try to hide your surprise, already regretting accepting their invitation to come to this convention in the first place. the moment minju suggested the idea, you should have shut it down immediately. not to mention she said minjeong was asking! holy shit. you scowl as jimin reluctantly introduces herself to your friends.

“what are you doing here?” you hiss when minjeong greets everyone. jimin rolls her eyes, a smug smile on her face, “before you say anything, i didn’t know you were coming either. guess it was fate.”

“girl, shut up.”

“where’s your other friends?” yena asks, winking. you groan, feeling stupid to have fallen for such an obvious trap. minjeong points to the approaching duo, arguing about something.

“uhm, since when did y’all get here?” yunjin asks. sakura turns the camera, “say hi to yena’s chat.”

“oh. hi?”

you can already imagine the chat going crazy. this would definitely be on your timeline tomorrow.

“anyway, you guys don’t have to know how we met,” yena loops her arm through yunjin’s with familiarity, despite having met her for the first time. you envy the girl’s confidence as she drags the tallest away, prancing around. you can sense some tension between minju and chaewon that disperses quickly with minjeong’s help. while sakura follows yena closely, you’re left alone with jimin, who frankly speaking, looks too proud.

“so our friends planned this?” she breaks the silence.

you nod, “i guess. i’m gonna beat yena up.”

“aw, why?” jimin pouts. fighting the urge to smack her, you distract yourself by focusing on the charmander plush in her hands, “where’d you get that?”

jimin raises it boastfully, “this is my son. i adopted him five minutes ago.”

eyeing the girl weirdly, you choose to remain silent.

“he can be your son too—”

“oh my god, shut the fuck up.”

“our son is listening! watch your language!” you can’t stop the bewildered laugh from escaping your lips at jimin’s words. her eyes light up with amusement as she holds her stupid orange lizard.

in the midst of your laughter, you fail to notice someone approaching you from behind. footsteps thud against the convention’s floor and jimin tenses up, her grip tightening against the plush.

“y/n? park y/n?”

no way. that voice…

your head whirls just as jimin moves forward, nearly shielding your entire vision with her hair. tensing up, you move back, instinctively hiding behind jimin’s taller figure. you catch a glimpse of the brunette, vlog camera in hand. of course she was still recording content.

“don’t talk to her,” jimin states firmly. you would have laughed for how ridiculous she looked; shooting glares while hugging a silly charmander plushie in her arms.

“it-it’s okay,” you shove jimin’s arm away to reveal the girl that you’ve avoided ever since the breakup.

hyewon frowns, crossing her arms, “can i talk to you privately?”

you don’t know if she’s unaware of jimin’s stance, or she merely chose to ignore the other girl’s presence. surprise overtakes you as jimin nearly lunges at hyewon, sneering, “she’s not going to talk to you. ever.”

“jimin—”

“are you her mother? she can make her own decisions.”

you hate how they’re speaking as if you aren’t in the conversation at all. a poor choice of yours for liking older women, you think. maybe now wasn’t the time to reflect on your love life. you still had two women glaring at each other, almost killing each other with their stares.

“jimin, just wait here, okay? i’ll talk to hyewon unnie.”

jimin’s gaze narrows into slits as she turns her head back, “you call her unnie? you don’t even call me unnie.”

huffing, you shove at her shoulder to walk away with hyewon. dealing with one ex was enough, you didn’t have time or energy to deal with another. not that she was fully considered an ex.

you can hear hyewon’s footsteps slowly following behind. after walking a few metres, you reach a secluded corner, away from any windows with peering fans. you couldn’t risk the chance of someone potentially eavesdropping on your conversation with kang hyewon out of all people.

her sudden appearance had nearly thrown you back into a whirlwind of the past. you hadn’t expected hyewon to be here, but maybe with your recent experiences, you should have anticpated the worst to come.

“why are you here?” you start asking. simple and easy. there wasn’t a need to get into the past.

hyewon sighs sheepishly, “filming for my channel.”

you resist scoffing. of course it was for her channel. what else? you should have seen it coming.

“are you dating karina now?” she asks.

“i don’t think it’s any of your business,” you reply back coolly. hyewon smiles weakly, “she seemed a little defensive back there. she’s still glaring at me now. i’m just curious.”

you can feel jimin’s gaze burning into the back of your head.

“she’s a… friend.”

“i see,” she hums, “how have you been?” you wince at the awkwardness, already dreading such a conversation starter, “i’m fine.”

“yeah? that’s good. especially after…” the words go unsaid. hyewon’s smile fades, “ahem. anyway, do you think we can get coffee later?”

“sorry. i’m already getting coffee with jimin,” you easily answer. never have you been more grateful for the influencer than now. hyewon’s face falls before she nods, “okay.”

you gesture back at jimin, who’s still waiting at the same spot like a kid, “it was nice catching up with you. i have to go now.”

hyewon’s hand reaches out to stop you, “have you moved on?” your eyes flit to her grip, breath hitching as you take in her question.

“have you moved on from me?” she repeats.

your head flicks up in surprise, “why are you asking?”

she shakes her head, “i just wanted to know how you’re feeling now. despite spending so long with you, i can’t tell what you’re thinking but i hope you’re happy now. happier than you were with me.”

you remain mum, allowing hyewon to continue, “i know i hurt you. i’m sorry for how i ended things. it wasn’t right for me to betray you like that. i don’t think you’ll forgive me but i just want you to know that i still care for you, so don’t hesitate to text me. my number hasn’t changed.”

some hidden part of you, stowed away in the furthest corner of your heart, longs for hyewon’s acknowledgement and attention. the young girl who would do anything to have her back. you can’t deny the feeling of liberation that comes rushing in.

“i want to forgive you, but there’s nothing to forgive anymore.” even if you did forgive her, there was nothing left of your relationship. just a distant memory that you held close to your heart.

“i cared for you. i really did but you threw it all away. i’m not upset anymore but i don’t think we should ever meet again.”

hyewon reluctantly nods.

“see you around,” she says with a tone of finality before walking off. your heart stutters in your chest despite the weight being lifted off your shoulders. resounding footsteps reach your ears as jimin scurries up behind you, “what did she say?! did she say something mean?”

you don’t bother turning around.

“she asked if i’m over her,” you reply, somewhat awestruck.

“are— are you?” jimin asks hesitantly.

you can’t believe jimin’s asking such a silly question.

“let’s go now,” you order. you need to talk to her.

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TAGLIST ! @wallfl9wer @seullovesme @twicesserafim @klvarchives @rinapomu @pandafuriosa60 @jisooftme @cwpiqwon @yoontoonwhs @xen248 @r4cjh @dni-unavailable @yukianism @i3lia @ryujinsdimple @httpisaoki @haerinsloverr @masuowo @multiliker @edenzeepy @yeetaberry127 @saysirhc @somedaydream @sixflame438 @drvirgus

#daylight ft. yjm #aespa smau #aespa x fem reader #aespa x reader #yu jimin smau #yu jimin x reader #jimin smau #jimin x reader #yu karina smau #yu karina x reader #karina smau #karina x reader

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roosterr · 1 year ago

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white flag ✹ ch 6

note: hoo boy, this one's a doozy. didn't mean to project so hard with this one, but fuck it we ball ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

pairing: ghost x gn!reader

wc: 5.3k

no use of y/n reader's callsign is 'stingray'

summary: you reach a breaking point with simon, and he finally realises what he needs to do to fix things.

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, some light violence, ghost finally getting his shit together, arguing, kitchen floor romance, fluff

ao3

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simon didn't see you at home. in fact, he found out from soap that you went straight to the pub with him and the others. you didn't even drop your car off, which meant you weren't going to get drunk, you were going to avoid him.

it stung – a feeling he’s become quite familiar with lately. but you wanted him to leave you alone, to give you space, and seeing as he had no idea what else to do, he would oblige.

he sits at the kitchen table, across from the chair that's become yours through some unspoken agreement. a random book is in his hands – an attempt to keep himself occupied, but he's been staring at the same page for the last twenty minutes and he hasn't absorbed a single word. you are the only thing on his mind, no matter how hard he concentrates on what's in front of him.

slamming his book shut with a frustrated grunt, he gives in to the fact that he's not going to be able to do anything meaningful until you get home. perhaps trying to talk now that you'd be alone would work out better than his previous attempts.

he intends to go straight up to his room when he leaves the kitchen, but for some reason simon finds himself standing outside the door to your room, peering into the darkness through the gap where you'd left it ajar.

he shouldn't go in, he knows that. from the start he'd promised himself to give you complete privacy – he hadn't even set foot in the living room since you'd moved in, apart from the times he brought you hot chocolate and put you to bed. it was the least he could do, offer you a space to call your own, since you really didn’t have much else.

but simon missed you; he missed being near you, the scent of your shampoo and the laundry detergent you use, just basking in your presence. he wouldn't touch anything, he rationalised, he just wanted to be surrounded by something that was you.

it’s dark, but he doesn't even bother to turn the light on, the hall light through the door illuminates the room enough for him to see where he's going. the armchair on the far side of the room is unoccupied, so he collapses there with a deep exhale.

the solitude must be driving him insane, because when he closes his eyes he can almost convince himself that you’re there with him, sitting across from him with one of his books in your hands. the disappointment that washes over him when he opens his eyes to be alone again isn’t rational, but knowing that still doesn’t dull the ache.

on the mantle, he notices something definitely not left there by him; first, he spots the flowers he gave you, a little wilted and slightly squashed, sitting in a vase that was here when he moved in. he feels a fleeting sense of relief at that, he wouldn't have been surprised if you'd thrown them straight in the bin.

but more interestingly, there's a photo frame, something simon owns exactly zero of, so it must be something of yours. he stands up, his curiosity getting the better of him, and takes the frame gently in his hand. tilting it into the light so the photo is visible, he feels a faint smile tugging at his lips at the sight of a younger you surrounded by your previous team.

you’re grinning widely, making bunny ears behind one of your teammates crouched in front of you, while someone behind does the same to you. as his eyes follow their arm to their face, poking out just above your head, he feels a sharp frown pull at his brows.

it’s anderson.

simon blinks a few times, in the hopes the he was simply imagining things – that his hatred for the man and lack of a good night's sleep was causing him to see things, but no matter how many times he looked away and back again, anderson’s face refused to change.

the urge to smash the photo builds up like steadily boiling water the longer he stares at it, so he places it back on the mantle before it gets too strong. why was he just now finding out you used to work with anderson? it explained why he was so overly familiar with you. was that why you liked him more? you had to be close with him – closer than simon was with you.

were you… involved with him?

the very thought makes his heart sink like a stone. his head feels light as he stumbles back out of your room, the acidic taste of bile rising in his throat.

not a moment after the door clicks shut, simon feels his phone buzz in his pocket, pushing his spiralling train of thought to the back of his mind. he pulls it out, the screen lit up with johnny's name on the caller id, but he doesn't want to answer it.

he lets it ring until the missed call notification appears instead. expecting that to be it, simon moves to shove his phone back in his pocket, but it buzzes again before he can get there.

it's a text this time – more of them coming through before he's had time to read the first. with a tired exhale, he opens the messages from johnny.

you coming pub? 20:23 pm

you should 20:23 pm

sting is here ;) 20:24 pm

no. 20:25 pm

why notttttttt 20:25 pm

cmon just get down here 20:25 pm

seriously i think you should come we need you 20:26

fine. 20:28 pm

let's fucking go 20:28 pm

better run tho be quick 20:28 pm

simon breathes a sigh of exasperation, but grabs his jacket off the hook. he doesn't even bother to change his balaclava for a more socially acceptable mask. whatever johnny's reasoning was for getting him to come to the pub, he was secretly grateful for the excuse to go out and see you – whether he would actually get to talk to you or simply watch you from the sidelines.

✹✹✹

slipping in quietly through the side entrance, simon is relieved to find the pub not nearly as rowdy as it is normally. it seems to be only the one-four-one and their associate unit mixed in with the locals, rather than being packed with soldiers like usual.

immediately he spots price, taking up a booth in the far corner, who raises a hand in greeting to him but otherwise stays put. the gesture draws johnny and gaz's attention to him, both of whom give him enthusiastic waves of their own.

he doesn't see you with them, which prompts him to scour the rest of the pub as he trudges over to his comrades. it doesn't take him long to find you over by the bar, though when he spots anderson unnecessarily close to you, he feels like his heart might just stop.

now that he knows you and him have history, simon feels a pit of hopelessness in his chest that he knows won't ever go away as long as he has to see you be happy with someone else.

it should be me, he thinks, a bitter downturn to his lips under his mask.

"why am i here?" he grumbles when he finally makes it to the booth, choosing to stay standing at the end of the table rather than sitting down with them.

"because you need'ta sort out this thing between you and sting." johnny replies, pushing himself up to stand next to simon and giving his shoulder a firm pat.

simon rolls his eyes to hide the way soap’s words make him flinch. "i've tried. they won't listen to me." he mumbles. he sees price shake his head in a show of disappointment, which only makes him feel even worse about the whole situation. aside from you, the captain’s been the hardest on him for the way he fucked things up, and while the sergeants clearly think he's an idiot, they've done their best to support him.

"then make them listen!" gaz exclaims, "explain yourself, tell them you'd do anything for them," he gestures one hand to where you’re standing at the bar, "tell them you love them!"

"i don't–" he begins to protest as he follows gaz’s hand, but the words die on his tongue when his eyes land on you; the dim lighting of the pub illuminates the way you smile so pleasantly, simon’s heart skips a beat. turning away from you before he becomes too entranced, he shoots gaz a light glare. "keep your voice down…"

"just tell them, l.t." gaz has an easy, knowing smile on his face when he meets simon’s eyes. looking between him and johnny, who wears a similar expression, he lets out a tired sigh.

"you’re a pain in my arse, both of you." he grumbles, massaging the creases in his forehead over the fabric of his mask.

"you're gonna do it, right?" soap grins from behind his pint, wiggling his eyebrows in a way that has simon groaning, but nodding nonetheless. "good lad, i knew you had it in ya!" soap claps him on the back once more before taking his seat again.

before any of them can bother him further, the sound of raised voices reaches their ears from the bar. not loud enough to hear what they're saying, but enough to know that there's a problem.

he's not sure what he's expecting when he turns around; but seeing you pushing a very drunk anderson’s arm off your shoulder with a scowl on your face, simon finds himself stalking over to you before he can even think about it.

"c'mon, we're good together, we have history!" anderson's words are slurred, leaving no mystery as to just how drunk he is. he leans further into your personal space, and simon watches your face scrunch up as you lean away, placing your hand on anderson’s chest to keep him at bay. "you're not seriously into that freak, are you? with that creepy fuckin' mask?"

that makes simon pause. he wanted to rip anderson away from you – of course he did – but he also wanted to hear your response, whether you would denounce him or not.

"oi!" you exclaim, an incredulous tone to your voice. "he is not a freak, don't be so rude!"

the way you defend him makes his heart swell. you also didn't deny what anderson said, and though he knows it's arrogant of him, simon still holds out hope that you don't truly hate him.

with the tiniest smirk under his mask, simon closes the distance, coming to stand at your side between you and anderson.

"sting." he addresses you, meeting your eyes and completely ignoring the annoyed mumbling from the idiot on his other side. "you alright?"

the look you give him is one of surprise and relief, but you don't get to say a single word before anderson is pushing simon's shoulder so they're facing each other.

"lieu‐lieutenant ghost, fancy seein' you here," anderson is clearly annoyed at his intrusion, poking a finger into his chest that gets slapped away just as quickly. "come to show everyone how big 'n tough you are, eh?"

"andy, stop it." you hiss, pushing him back again and stepping between him and simon.

anderson scoffs at you. "why should i? we're not at work, he can't do anything, he's just some random loser." he glares up at simon, a pitiful attempt at intimidation he knows he wouldn't dream of trying if he was sober.

"give it a rest, sergeant." simon grumbles, rolling his eyes at the way anderson puffs his chest out and stands up straighter.

"y'know, sting was right, you're a huge fuckin' arsehole," anderson spits, ignoring the way you try to keep him away when he steps around you be face to face with simon again. "can't blame 'em for not wantin' to put up with you anymore."

simon flinches ever so slightly at that, but thankfully anderson is too drunk to notice.

"that's enough." he growls, his nails digging painfully into his palms.

"no, no! what th'fuck is your problem, man?" anderson shouts, shoving simon's chest – which doesn't move him, but pisses him off anyway. "you think you're so much better than me, but you hide your ugly mug behind that fuckin' mask like a pussy!" his raised voice draws the attention of the other patrons, and an uneasy silence falls over the room as the background chatter halts.

"just fuckin' shut up," simon rolls his eyes again, shifting his gaze over to you and jerking his head in a gesture for you to move. "c'mon."

"and don't even get me started on sting!" anderson continues, pointing a swaying finger in your face which gets slapped away the same as before. "you're so obsessed with them, it's creepy as shit, everyone knows it!"

"i'm not–"

"they must be a fuckin' freak n'all, to be into you, you're both fucked in the head–"

"watch your fuckin' mouth." simon spits, taking the front of anderson's shirt roughly in his fist. he could insult simon until his last breath, but to drag your name into this ignited the flame of real anger in his chest.

"ghost, let's just go." you grasp his wrist, the one holding anderson, and perhaps if simon could focus on anything other than the smug little bastard he's moments away from punching, he might’ve felt the warmth that your touch brought him.

"–that's why they have go to the bloody psy-psychiatrist all the time, they're fuckin' mental–" the moment the words left anderson’s mouth, simon feels every sliver of restraint he had immediately leave his body; the only sound he can hear is the rushing of blood in his ears as his face twists in rage.

"shut the fuck up." he seethes, rearing his free arm back to throw possibly the most satisfying hit of his life; but before he can land it, his arm is immobilised he’s being yanked away from the sergeant.

suddenly price is in his face with a more than disapproving frown, walking him backwards with a firm hand on his shoulder. "get a hold of yourself!" he yells, commanding and abrasive.

simon grunts and pulls price's hand off of him, leaning around the captain just in time to see you deliver a fierce slap to anderson’s face that resonates in the quiet of the room.

anderson’s head whips to the side with the blow, the shell-shocked expression displaying the clear bruise forming on his cheek and his ego. simon had to admit, the sight of that prick with a bright red handprint on his cheek was incredibly gratifying.

"don't fucking talk about me like that." you spit at him, the most intense glare he's ever seen on you creasing your features. simon notices the way it softens when your eyes meet his, as johnny pushes you away from anderson – who's still reeling from the hit, but nobody bothers to take care of him.

he can't take his eyes off of you. it's like the rest of the world has just faded away and you're the only other person left, because right now, you're the only person that matters.

its drizzling by the time you drag him out by the arm. the damp air has a somewhat sobering effect on him as he allows you to pull him along with you.

"i could’ve handled that." you mutter angrily over your shoulder. you're taking him in the direction of the car park, the orange glow of the lamp posts casting shadows on your irritated expression that he finds himself admiring like fine art.

"i'd do it again." simon replies, still having never once taken his eyes off of your form. when you let go of his arm, having arrived at your car, he immediately feels the absence of your touch. he watches you walk around to the driver's side, meeting his eyes over the car and pausing in your tracks.

you hold his gaze for a moment, before looking down and shaking your head.

"just get in the fucking car." you mutter, opening the driver’s side door and disappearing from his sight. he follows suit without question, the car shifting under his weight as he settles into the passenger seat.

you pull out of the car park without another word, your face hard as you pointedly ignore his eyes on you. the silence between is thick, without even the white noise of the radio to break it.

in some way, simon’s glad you chose him over anderson, that you're driving him home rather than taking the side of that idiot. but, then again, he remembers the history the two of you must have, and he feels mildly guilty for potentially breaking up a long-term friendship of yours. not too guilty, though; the guy was a certified dickhead.

when the tension becomes too much, he decides to ask the only question that's been circling his mind like a vulture since he laid eyes on your photo.

"you know him." simon mutters. it's more of a statement than a question, really. "i saw the picture."

he sees your eyes narrow, his own still locked on your profile as you face the road. "you went through my stuff?" you reply, a small frown pulling at your brows.

"no, i just saw the picture." for a moment, he’s afraid he’d unintentionally started another argument, but his words only evoke a deeply exhausted sigh from you.

"he's just one of my old teammates." you reply, the sadness in your voice tugging at simon’s heartstrings. "i thought he was my friend, but obviously i'm not a very good judge of character, am i?"

perhaps that was a dig aimed at simon too, but he can only really focus on how disappointed you sound.

"it’s not your fault. he’s just a twat." he attempts to reassure you, to hopefully make you feel better, but he can't tell how successful it was.

"i know that now, i just–" you huff, cutting yourself off as you pull up outside home. you shut off the engine, massaging your temples with the same frown still on your face. he's tempted to say something more, but no words come to him.

"nevermind, i don't even wanna think about it." you sigh, quickly getting out of the car and slamming the door behind you. he follows behind, the lights of your car flashing as you lock it, illuminating the way your shoulders are slumped as you disappear into the house.

simon figures you'll want time to cool off after what happened, perhaps a cold cloth for your hand that's undoubtedly stinging after such a powerful hit. the memory is enough to make him smile lightly, a feeling of pride blooming in his chest for you.

he creeps upstairs on autopilot, his gaze lingering on the closed door to your room as he passes by.

it's still quite early in the night, so he's not surprised when he hears your door open and shut again downstairs – you going to sit in the kitchen, he assumes.

he wanted to talk with you alone, without the threat of anderson interrupting him again – and now is as good a time as any.

you're sitting at the kitchen table with your laptop open on some real estate site when he shuffles into the room. he stands in the doorway, watching as you continue sifting through nearby flat listings without looking over to him.

neither of you speak. you're not willing to break the silence first, and neither is he.

for a moment, simon just stands there, staring at you. he can see you watching him from the corner of your eye from where he shifting uncomfortably by the door. he half expects you to tell him to piss off, but to his surprise, you stay quiet. taking your silence as a sign that you aren’t, in fact, revolted by his presence, he inches closer and closer to you until he's standing directly next to where you're sitting.

still, neither of you say a word.

a minute or two passes with him looming over you, watching as you scroll through page after page of available flats, a shadowy figure in your peripheral.

eventually you find a reasonably priced listing, and when you click it, only then does ghost speak up.

"you don't need to leave." he says, cringing under his mask at the sound of his voice. he hopes you don’t pick up on how pathetic he sounds. "you already have a house."

"what? what are you talking about?" your eyes remain locked on your screen as you reply, voice flat and disinterested.

simon releases a shaky sigh, his nerve quickly faltering the longer you continue to ignore him. there's a brief pause as you inspect the words on your screen, before simon brings his hand up behind your laptop and firmly closes it. with an annoyed huff you finally look at him, piercing him with a narrow glare.

"you live here." he murmurs, staring intently back at you, fighting with himself to keep his expression neutral, to stay strong.

with me. the unspoken words hang heavy in the air.

"i can't stay here, there's only one bed for christ's sake." you grumble, brow furrowed as you pinch the bridge of your nose. "my back can't handle sleeping on that sofa forever."

"then sleep in my bed." there’s no hesitation in his words; he would gladly sleep on the lumpy sofa-bed if it meant you would be more comfortable – if it meant you would stay. the sound of your chair scraping the floor echoes in the stillness of the kitchen as you stand up, to be closer to eye level with him.

"oh what, and leave you on the sofa? in your own home?" you scoff, shaking your head as you step around him.

"well, yeah. you– i…" he reaches a hand out to touch you, stopping himself just above your elbow before he pulls back. the gesture stops you in your tracks, drawing your gaze back to his eyes. "don't leave." he murmurs, just above a whisper.

your mouth opens to respond, but his words catch you completely off guard. your eyes flit down, and he knows you can see the way his hands tremble at his side. he felt so… vulnerable, a word he never expected to apply to him, of all people, but you had that effect on him.

"just stay…" he whispers, a desperate plea as he squeezes his eyes shut to block out everything except you and him. "please…"

another tension filled silence stretches between you. he opens his eyes again, blinking as he meets your gaze. there's a profound sadness there, dragging your features downwards in a frown that sinks his stomach.

your sigh breaks the silence.

"i can't keep doing this, ghost." you mumble, dipping your head and rubbing your eyes.

"...what?"

"this! one minute you're nice to me, then you're a complete dickhead, and then you're back to being nice again." you exclaim, waving your hands around in frustration to amplify your point. "it’s exhausting."

"that's not– i'm not doing it on purpose." he frowns, the internal panic that arguing with you causes rising to the surface.

"this is what i mean! you're just making excuses!" your voice has a desperation to it that strikes him like an arrow through the heart. you turn sharply away from him, focusing your gaze somewhere on the wall.

"then just tell me what you want, for fucks sake!" he pleads, shuffling to stay in front of you and try to coax your eyes back to him. "whatever it is, i'll do it!"

"tell you what i want?" you laugh wryly, looking back to him with an expression he can only describe as offended. "i want you to apologise to me! i want you to say you're fucking sorry, and i don't want to have to wring it out of you!"

your words ring in his ears, bouncing off the walls and back at him like an echo chamber.

"you have never apologised to me! not even once! after all the shit you've put me through, i have never heard the words 'i'm sorry' out of your mouth!" you scowl at him, your eyes glossy with tears threatening to fall as your voice breaks. "thats all i've ever wanted from you!"

simon can't shake off the stunned feeling your words impart upon him; all this time, had he really never apologised? he'd just assumed that you knew he was sorry, without ever having actually said it.

the answer was practically smacking him in the face the entire time, and he still somehow managed to completely miss it. no wonder you were fed up with him – no wonder everyone kept looking at him like he was an idiot.

he's never felt more like a fucking moron than he does in this moment.

he's broken out of his haze by the movement of you sitting back down in your chair, lowering your head into your shaky hands and taking an equally unstable breath.

"you say you don't know what to do– you keep saying you regret what happened, but you never tell me why!" you briefly lift your head to cry out at him, and he just about sees the wetness on your cheeks before it's hidden behind your fingers again.

he takes one large stride to be standing in front of you again. "i was trying to help! havin' any kind of phobia will get you killed in this line of work. i was trying to help you because…" he speaks with a similarly desperate tone, his hands floating uselessly in the space between you. "be–because i care about you."

"well you could've fooled me." you sniffle, lowering your hands slightly, your gaze staying locked to the floor. "why didn't you just say that to begin with? why bother with the tough guy act?"

"it's not that simple…" he mutters, frozen in place, afraid that one wrong move would send you bolting like a cornered animal.

"why?" you cry, tilting your head up to catch his eyes with your own reddened ones, "what are you so afraid of?!"

simons heart beats out of his chest, the rhythm so aggressive he was sure he'd go into cardiac arrest.

"i'm in love with you!" he blurts, the tremor in his hands increasingly obvious as he digs the heels of his palms into his eyes. "...that's what i'm afraid of." his voice is little more than a whisper now, the silence following his declaration only serving to hurt his heart further.

when he peeks back down at you, there's a look of pure shock on your face. your mouth is agape, your eyes flickering between both of his, and simon feels as though you're staring straight into the abyss of his soul.

"and i am sorry, i'm so fuckin' sorry, for everything– all the shit i gave you when you first started, for never givin' you a chance, for screamin’ at you," he continues, his own voice subtly cracking, "i– i'm so… in love with you, and it fucking terrifies me..."

he wanted to touch you, so badly, and with the sheer amount of raw emotion racing through his veins, he can't find it in himself to resist the urge.

simon sinks to his knees in front of you, his fingers grasping your wrists in a featherlight touch and pulling them away from your face with a gentleness he wasn't sure he possessed.

"i– i could've lost you. you could've died and then i'd have to live without you, and i can't do that…" for the first time in a long time, simon feels the sting of tears in his eyes as he caresses the pulse on your wrists with his thumbs, "i'm sorry…"

"simon…" the way you utter him name sends his heart fluttering like a caged bird in his chest. you'd never called him anything other than ghost or lieutenant before now; he never thought he could enjoy hearing simply his name this much.

"i'm so fuckin' sorry, i'll never treat you like that again, i swear." his voice is weak. he presses his forehead to your fingertips to hide the anguish in his eyes. "i'm sorry, i love you, just… just let me down easy, yeah?"

there's another pause, yours and simon's ragged breaths the only sound disturbing the silence.

"why would i let you down?” you whisper from above him. the words send a jolt of shock through him, the implication halting his breathing for a moment as he processes what you mean.

"don’t say that…" he mutters, squeezing your wrists ever so slightly tighter, not quite ready to let go of you yet.

"i'm in love with you, too."

his head snaps up to meet your eyes. "no, you– " he sputters, bringing one hand up to cover his mouth despite the mask still hiding his terrified expression "you can't… you deserve so much better…"

"i don't care what you think i deserve," you wear a tiny smile as you pull his hand away, your tender hold on his wrist mirroring his own on yours.

"i’m– i’m not good for you." he feels the tears building up again, blurring his vision.

"shouldn’t that be for me to decide?"

simon can hardly believe what's happening, when you bring your other hand up to his cheek, caressing his face through the fabric. he still doesn't let go of your wrist.

"i don't… you– i can't–" his tongue can't seem to form the words as he gazes up into your eyes, the kindness and warmth there overwhelming his senses. "i can't be what you want."

"you already are what i want." you sink to the floor as well, lifting your other hand to cup his face with a blinding smile. "i love you, simon."

for a moment, all he can do is revel in the warmth that bleeds through the fabric of his mask from your hands, pushing his face more into your touch like an affectionate cat.

a desperate noise escapes the back of his throat, his eyes fluttering shut. "...say it again?" he whispers the plea.

he feels your lips on the bridge of his nose, and his eyes snap back open at the sensation. "i love you, simon. more than anything." you murmur, shuffling closer when you kneel between his legs and pressing your forehead to his.

simon thinks he could die happy in this moment. to think, all the pain of the last couple of weeks – the last year, really – had all amounted to this, and can't help but think about what and idiot he'd been up until this point; to have waited this long to feel your touch, it was almost unthinkable.

he sighs, his breathing still evening out. "i'm so sorry…" he whispers. he goes to snake one arm around your waist, but hesitates just before touching you. as of sensing his dilemma, you give him a pleasant hum, wordlessly giving him permission to place his hand firmly on your back. he brings you that much closer with it, the feeling of holding someone a novelty to him.

"i'll forgive you, on two conditions." you reply. simon can sense the smile in your voice even with his eyes closed.

"anything."

"one, we talk to each other from now on, properly." you begin, and simon nods as adequately as he can with your forehead still against his. "second, you have to go on a date with me– to atone."

at that he opens his eyes, pulling back slightly and looking at you with a raised eyebrow. "not sure that counts as a punishment, love."

you chuckle, meeting his sceptical gaze with a playful glint in your eyes. "it is, because you're cooking."

he chuckles, deep and rumbling in his chest, and drops his forehead gently back to yours, allowing his eyes to flutter closed again.

he'd cook for you for the rest of his life if you asked, if it meant he could stay like this, with you.

taglist p1: @sofasoap , @siilvan , @mockerycrow , @i-love-ghost , @projectdreamwalker , @achelois-is-here , @adamsloverboy , @thatchickwiththecamera , @chickensandwich69 , @batmanunicorns523 , @tiny-kasper , @dezibou , @pampeop , @cumbermovels , @goth-boi-atlas , @berryjuicyy , @guiltgoreglory , @postmodernrevolutionist , @untoldshortsofthefandoms , @delilah-grimes , @sunflowerqueen1416 , @luvssemma , @sunshiinegaz , @imonmykneessir , @kenz-ee , @eistro-phobia , @rzmarona ,

@alanalanalanalanalanna , @cathnoneofyourbusiness , @madsothree , @geisterfvhrer , @lazyninjaphilosopher , @koi-feish , @chaoticgoblindev , @clear-your-mind-and-dream , @thrivig-n-jiving , @lesterous , @glitterypirateduck , @slu77ym4nw415ts , @livelaugh-light , @trulylavendedarling , @stateofcatatonia , @rivalriotrenegade , @yoichiislovie , @nirvanaaaonly , @ameliaamareeee , @sapientiia , @thesecretwriter , @susanmukami , @ryze1113 , @stars-andfreckles , @spya1 , @tunaa-luvchrm , @tzutology (p2 in separated reblog)

#ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #mw2 x reader #cod x reader #141 x reader #call of duty x reader #mw2 #cod mw2 #call of duty #simon ghost riley #mw2 ghost #roosterr writes

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fabaulti · 2 years ago

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I think most of us should take the whole ai scraping situation as a sign that we should maybe stop giving google/facebook/big corps all our data and look into alternatives that actually value your privacy.

i know this is easier said than done because everybody under the sun seems to use these services, but I promise you it’s not impossible. In fact, I made a list of a few alternatives to popular apps and services, alternatives that are privacy first, open source and don’t sell your data.

right off the bat I suggest you stop using gmail. it’s trash and not secure at all. google can read your emails. in fact, google has acces to all the data on your account and while what they do with it is already shady, I don’t even want to know what the whole ai situation is going to bring. a good alternative to a few google services is skiff. they provide a secure, e3ee mail service along with a workspace that can easily import google documents, a calendar and 10 gb free storage. i’ve been using it for a while and it’s great.

a good alternative to google drive is either koofr or filen. I use filen because everything you upload on there is end to end encrypted with zero knowledge. they offer 10 gb of free storage and really affordable lifetime plans.

google docs? i don’t know her. instead, try cryptpad. I don’t have the spoons to list all the great features of this service, you just have to believe me. nothing you write there will be used to train ai and you can share it just as easily. if skiff is too limited for you and you also need stuff like sheets or forms, cryptpad is here for you. the only downside i could think of is that they don’t have a mobile app, but the site works great in a browser too.

since there is no real alternative to youtube I recommend watching your little slime videos through a streaming frontend like freetube or new pipe. besides the fact that they remove ads, they also stop google from tracking what you watch. there is a bit of functionality loss with these services, but if you just want to watch videos privately they’re great.

if you’re looking for an alternative to google photos that is secure and end to end encrypted you might want to look into stingle, although in my experience filen’s photos tab works pretty well too.

oh, also, for the love of god, stop using whatsapp, facebook messenger or instagram for messaging. just stop. signal and telegram are literally here and they’re free. spread the word, educate your friends, ask them if they really want anyone to snoop around their private conversations.

regarding browser, you know the drill. throw google chrome/edge in the trash (they really basically spyware disguised as browsers) and download either librewolf or brave. mozilla can be a great secure option too, with a bit of tinkering.

if you wanna get a vpn (and I recommend you do) be wary that some of them are scammy. do your research, read their terms and conditions, familiarise yourself with their model. if you don’t wanna do that and are willing to trust my word, go with mullvad. they don’t keep any logs. it’s 5 euros a month with no different pricing plans or other bullshit.

lastly, whatever alternative you decide on, what matters most is that you don’t keep all your data in one place. don’t trust a service to take care of your emails, documents, photos and messages. store all these things in different, trustworthy (preferably open source) places. there is absolutely no reason google has to know everything about you.

do your own research as well, don’t just trust the first vpn service your favourite youtube gets sponsored by. don’t trust random tech blogs to tell you what the best cloud storage service is — they get good money for advertising one or the other. compare shit on your own or ask a tech savvy friend to help you. you’ve got this.

#internet privacy #privacy #vpn #google docs #ai scraping #psa #ai #archive of our own #ao3 writer #mine #textpost

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stars1997 · 10 months ago

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Anniversary Love

Paring(s): Nico Hischier x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Smut!! (18+) smut with plot, fingering, phone sex, mutual masturbation. (Not edited)

Summary: The team had a few away games over on the west coast this week. The away games also happen to fall on your and Nico’s anniversary. you decide to wear one of his jerseys when watching the game. he scores a few goals and to show him how proud you are of him you send him a few risky photos/videos.

word count: 1.7k

_________________________________________________

It was 9 p.m. on a Friday, and the Devils were going up against the LA Kings. The game didn’t start till 10 p.m. This gave you some time to make some dinner before the game started.

You made yourself a grilled cheese and some soup. Eating it quickly and sending a good luck text to Nico.

Some of the wives and girlfriends invited you over so you could all watch the game together. You told them you weren’t feeling the best, they told you it would be best if I stayed home and got some rest.

Cleaning up your dishes, there was only a couple of minutes before the game started. You went into your and Nico’s room and grabbed one of Nico’s jerseys.

Getting comfortable, slipping out of your day clothes, and leaving nothing but your underwear on. You slide on the jersey and some fluffy socks and make your way over to the couch.

Making yourself comfortable, grabbing the blanket that Nico and you use when you watch movies together. It took the rest of the time to turn on the TV and get the game on, when you finally got it up, they were getting ready for puck drop.

_________________________

The first period had gone by fast. The devils are up by one and the kings at zero. Nico was the one being interviewed during the first intermission. He looked flushed and all sweaty. The LA Kings were playing hard tonight so that meant that the Devils had to play harder.

“You have been playing extra hard out there tonight. I know that LA has been pushing you guys to work hard but is there a reason why you are working just a little harder?” the interviewer asks Nico. Today is Nico’s and yours second anniversary. Even though we have been together for two years, him being away for so long always makes you sad.

“No, yeah. LA pushed us to be our best selves out there. We were very lucky to be able to get that goal. But I'm also playing for my lovely lady at home! Today is our two year anniversary. I love you and I’ll be home before you know it.” He looks at the camera for that last part, sending you a wink. The interviewer thanks him and he heads to the locker room.

Your cheeks were bright red. You pick up your phone to text him a photo of how red in the face you were. He sent back a quick heart and kissing face emoji. You let out a little giggle.

_________________________

They were in the middle of the second period. The devils are now up by two, the score now being three to one. Nico was fighting to get the puck out of the devil’s zone. He skates around the net sending the puck to Luke. He skates down the ice and passes by Luke. Luke sends the puck back to Nico. Nico was able to get a breakaway. Shooting the puck and making a goal.

“Yes!” your arms in the air as you cheer at the tv. After the goal they zoomed in you your boyfriend. He’s got a huge smile on his face, as he’s letting out huffs of air trying to catch his breath. Something about the excitement of the goal and how hot he looked when they zoomed in on him turned you on a little bit. Not long after they dropped the puck to continue the game Nico scored another goal.

The second intermission rolled around, and the score was now five to three, Nico scoring two of those goals. you decided to send him a little congratulation text.

_________________________

y/n: Oh my! Congrats babe on the two goals! do you think it’s because I’m wearing this? y/n: (photo of you in his jersey) Nico: Thank you, baby! Hoping for a third, just for you. Nico: You look hot in my jersey. I wish I was home to see you in it in person. y/n: Wish you were here so you could take it off me. Nico: Don’t do this to me right now baby. I need to head back out for third period. I love you and ill call you when I get to my hotel room.

You smile at your phone, an idea popping into your head.

_________________________

The third period went by a lot faster than you were expecting. They were able to keep the lead but not by much. The final score being five to three.

You were going to show him just how proud you were of him and how he played in tonight’s game. You open the camera app, setting your phone down on the couch so its resting against some pillows so it was able to get your whole body in frame.

First you decided to take a few photos. The first one, you’re sitting on your heels. Your back facing the camera so your able to see the number and his last name.

You lift the bottom of the jersey up just enough to show off the black lace thong that you have on underneath.

Turning so you’re now facing the camera you then lift the jersey up, flashing the camera as it took the photo.

The last photo you bring one of your hands down to your underwear, touching yourself over the lace, your other hand still holding up the jersey.

You let out a little giggle as you press the send button on the first photo.

_________________________

y/n: (photo) y/n: What do you think of this photo I took? Was thinking of posting it so people know that #13 is mine. Nico: No! you will not be posting that photo. y/n: What about these? y/n: (photo’s) Nico: Babe you need to stop sending me these when I’m still in the locker room with the boys. Now be a good girl and wait for me to call you when I get back to the hotel.

Another giggle left your lips at his text.

y/n: Yes sir.

_________________________

You waited about twenty minutes, but you were growing impatient. pulling down your underwear, tossing them onto the floor next to you. Setting the camera back up as you press record.

You position yourself so your back is against the arm rest. Your hands playing with your tits before you slide your right hand down, sliding your fingers through your folds.

Your quick to send it to Nico. Although you didn’t get a response back right away. It takes a minute for your phone to ring. You pick it up to see that Nico is facetiming you.

“Why are you such a brat?” he says as his face comes into frame on your phone.

“Only for you baby. I’m so happy for you! Two goals that’s amazing.” You give him a cute little smile, trying to act innocent. “Thank you, baby, but that’s not going to detract me form the fact that you were being a brat earlier and still being one now. You made me hard right after I got out of the shower, I only had my towel on. Everyone was confused why I was taking so long to get dressed.” You knew that if he was home, he would have you over his lap right now.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to show you how proud I was of you tonight. Did you not like it?” you ask still acting innocent. As he starts to talk, your hand reaches down to play with your clit. “No baby I love when you show me how proud of me you are, but you should have waited till I got back to the hotel. You know better than to send me stuff like that Infront of the guys.” You let out a little moan when he finishes his sentence.

“Man, you really like being a brat don’t you,” he says, your fingers don’t stop though. You could hear his zipper, he was quick to pull down his pants and underwear. You hear shuffling then his face pops back into frame with the headboard behind him.

He spits in his hand bringing it to his cock, his head tips back and he lets out a moan. “Fuck baby I wish I was with you right now. I wish this was your hand stroking me.” He says, stroking his cock faster. your fingers rub your clit faster, matching his speed.

“I hate that you’re going to be gone for so long. We’re going to have to do this every night,” I say, he lets out a little laugh.

“Fuck. Set your phone up so I can see you and use your other hand to finger yourself.” His accent stronger now then before. You set your phone up, doing what he told you to do.

You let out a loud moan as you curl your finger inside you. You’re trying to keep your moans down, not wanting to get another noise complaint.

You can hear him mumble curse words under his breath after every grunt and moan that he lets out. “Baby I’m not going to be able to last any longer. I want you to cum with me.” You nod letting him know that your also close.

“Fuck Nico. I’m,” you’re not able to finish your sentence because your cut off by the loud moan that leaves your mouth. You hear Nico let out a grunt, letting you know that he came as well.

“Fuck baby I miss you so much, but I got to go. I have to let jack know that he can come back into the room and then I have to go to sleep. So do you because its late over there. Happy anniversary love and we will celebrate when I get home.” He says, out of breath. Running a hand through his hair. You both say goodnight and hang up the call.

_________________________

You take a shower and get changed into some comfy pajamas about to get into bed when a knock sounds on the door. You open it to see one some of the girlfriends and wives. “Weren’t feeling good my ass. How was your little call with Nico?” one of them asks making you blush. now knowing that they were able to hear you from the apartment that they were hanging out in.

#nico hischier fic #nico hischier smut #nico hischer x reader #nico hischier #hockey fluff #hockey smut #new jersey devils #nico hischier imagine

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lukolabrainrot · 3 months ago

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Calm theory anon here 🩷

Like my fav Lukolabrainrot I'm tooo not worried in the least by anything we have seen. When you're in love with someone you wanna show them off you wanna shout to the rooftops that you're with that person. You would talk about them nonstop. They would be in conversations that you have with other people. It's hard to keep it in when you truly love someone. That's a natural reaction to being in love with someone. The narratives that we see online Isn't always based on facts. It's based on peoples opinions. The facts are when you go on Luke or Nicola page who do you see besides themselves? On Nicola page you see Luke on Luke's page you see Nicola. You don't hide someone you love. You would talk about them in interviews randomly. You would post cute things they do. And you would definitely acknowledge they exist. Liking photo is a bare minimum that you do for people who are good friends. Hate is always going to come no one can stop it. If anything the more silent a star remains the more intense the hate gets. Again what are the facts? Nic post Luke and Luke post Nicola. Luke talked about Nic at jimmy Fallon and Nic talked Luke in time magazine. That my dears is the biggest signs of all. Those signs are what matter. One last thing I want to share my first lesson I learned in college. The Internet is a phenomenal tool for information. But you have to understand that anybody can put anything online. And people can manipulate photos. Photos can be taken out of context. My professors used to say if you're quoting something that you've seen online, you have to make sure that the source is a legitimate source. The source is credible. You can't site something as fact when the source isn't credible. Gossip sites. Aren't incredible source. In this situation the source would be Luke or Nic. The rest of the information isn't credible. So listen to what they're saying.

I know we are all having a lot of feelings about everything with JD and A this week. I've sat on everything this week and this is what I will say (and know that my feelings have not changed this week regarding Lukola). And these are just my thoughts and SPECULATION (but I feel pretty confident with them):

We don't know these people. They don't owe us anything. It is alright to feel frustrated (I know I have recently), but it is also important to use our critical thinking skills when consuming information that isn't coming DIRECTLY from L OR N.

We got an AMAZING WT from L/N, where a lot of us just fell in love with them and their connection. However, these are both grown adults in their 30s. IF they are with other people and there is NOTHING personal going on with L/N that they were/are trying to keep private, we wouldn't be seeing all these games. L and or N would have officially shut down rumors and come out with their respective partners at some point before now. They haven't. And therefore there is a reason everything has looked so weird since papgate...

And I believe one of the largest reasons is because of NDAs that are at play with A. Which leads us to her Spain carousel from today. Y'all, she has been sitting on these for a while. There is ZERO way for us to confirm when she was here, or if she was even there with L. Yes, that is probably the same balcony from the one he shared from his stories. Not denying that. But if she was REALLY with him as his "girlfriend" on this trip, you damn well know she would have shown that somehow. He's NOWHERE to be seen. Just like A was NOWHERE to be seen in his post or stories about the trip. She plays games and likes to stir the pot. THIS IS NOT NEW. We will most likely never be able to know who exactly was with L on this Spain trip and when he was there... But girlie pop has been sitting on these pics for a while, 100%. Why? Because I am almost certain this is her last direct tie to L, she saw that there was a lot of attention on N rn because of the JD stuff, and this was her bomb. I think L's NDA SM obligations are coming to an end this month, and she was trying to go out with a bang for the engagement (I don't think that is exactly what it did, but I am sure that was her goal). But if you still think L/A are super happy and serious from everything you've observed since papgate, then I don't know what to tell you. But NONE of this is a good indicator of a happy and healthy relationship when it comes to L/A.

Lastly, remember the rings everyone before you spiral. The Claddagh ring (which has now moved to N's left hand) is something she ordered in early MAYYYY. And she has been publicly wearing since early JUNE. So... for MONTHS. And we can argue all we want about that ring, but that ring is about her relationship with L. Period. And y'all, she grew up in the town where these rings ORIGINATED FROM. I highly doubt she skirts all tradition when it comes to these rings, and likely takes the orientation of them pretty seriously. Therefore, it appears that her and L are in a very serious and committed relationship. So, let's all take a deep breath, remember the rings, and let's carry on.

#lukola theories #just some thoughts #calm theory anon #purely speculation

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mqriuss · 2 months ago

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your dog loves you

content: haitani family, reader is their sister, fluff, literal fluff (like in poodles), they have a mom

"aw, how cute," your mom coos at a photo of a two month old baby poodle on his screen. before pushing rindou's phone out of her face and going back to slicing mangoes—bright, orange, and sweet, just the way that her kids like it.

"we should get it," rindou says, jumping slightly when mom shoots him a glare.

"absolutely not."

"you said it was cute," rindou argues and she scoffs, dropping pieces of mangoes on a red plate.

she gets up from her chair to wash her hands, "yes, i said it was cute—not that we should get it." mom rephrases her statement, grabbing a fork and stabbing it into a mango.

"even y/n and ran think we should get it," rindou tries to reason with her. "it's 3 v 1," he adds, shrugging.

"and the one person in question is your mother." she hands the plate to rindou who nearly drops it with his phone still in one hand. "now go eat the mangoes. save some for your siblings."

rindou watches her leave, muttering something under her breath about when they're gonna come home from work. mom's never been too fond of them coming home late from work, even though they're always back before dinner.

"mom said no," rindou informed with a mouth full of two sliced mango pieces, typing something on his pc.

"dammit!" you cursed, your voice slightly static coming out of his phone. you had tasked rindou with showing mom a picture of a cute puppy and asking if you could get it, but a part of you knew it wouldn't go well. it never does.

"i mean, were you expecting her to go 'yes omg we need this wittle cutie patootie'?" ran snickers, his eyes fixated on the road occasionally glancing at you in the passenger's seat.

you groaned, leaning back against the car seat. you really thought she'd at least consider if rindou was the one who asked. "but i want her! i want a fluffy cute dog to cuddle and play with," you whined, pouting as you stared at the puppy on your screen.

"hm, you know," rindou paused to swallow his food, his voice ringing through the speaker of your phone. "you know those videos of people showing their parents be affectionate with the pets they didn't want? what are the odds mom ends up like them?" he questioned, making you light up but ran wasn't convinced.

"like, zero?" he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"but what if?!" you exclaimed, resisting the urge to nudge him since he's driving. there was a moment of silence and rindou is about to hang up, until you started talking again. "do you just wanna get her?"

"what?" rindou and ran said nearly in unison if it weren't for the call lag.

"did you actually..."

"yes. yes, i did."

rindou sighs while ran smirks and shakes his head in amusement. you and ran were home for a few seconds, telling rindou to get dressed and go out with the two of you. you had contacted the person, saying that you'd arrive in a few hours to pick up the puppy—the same puppy your mom clearly didn't allow you to get.

"and i just had to come along?" rindou raises an eyebrow and you give him a puzzled look.

"what? as if you were gonna stay home and work on that assignment you've been procrastinating for two weeks?" you call him out, leaving him speechless and almost offended. "that's what i thought."

"wonder how balancing work and class is going for you," rindou mutters, rolling his eyes and you stick your tongue out.

the button on your table beeps, prompting ran to get up and take your food from the counter. he comes back shortly, weaving through a line of hungry people. the smell of fried chicken and steam coming out of the sticky white rice makes you and rindou's mouth water.

"you told mom we were just going out to eat, right?" ran confirms, receiving a nod from rindou who practically buried his face in the food.

"yeah– hoh..." he lets out a heavy breath with his mouth full, feeling his tongue burning from the freshly cooked chicken and rice.

ran grimaces while blowing on his food—something rindou couldn't do before digging in. "slow down, bro—it's all yours."

"i'm starving."

"starving or can't wait to meet the new family member?" you chuckle before taking a bite of your chicken and mirroring rindou's previous actions. "hoh... 's hot!" ran shakes his head at his two younger siblings, a chuckle escaping his lips.

it was 11pm when the three of you arrived home, each one of you with a missed call notification from mom. you had underestimated just how much traffic there would be on a friday night and ended up arriving home later than usual.

"is she asleep?" you whisper, glancing around as you hold onto your furry friend.

"i bet she is–" ran says but is cut off by the sound of the downstairs bedroom door creaking open. the three of you stopped in your tracks as mom turns on the light in her half-asleep state.

"haha... surprise!" you laugh sheepishly, holding up the puppy that she can very clearly see.

you and your brothers had debated in the car over what her reaction would be, and it didn't turn out the way you expected. it wasn't a beating, it wasn't a five hour lecture, nor was it tears of joy (you're not sure why that would've been a possibility. this one was the most impossible of them all, but it would've been the funniest).

mom drags out a sigh, waddling towards the bathroom. "i won't clean her poop." she says with a deadpan before disappearing into the bathroom.

the three of you share a quick look before you and rindou cheered in unison, startling the puppy.

"yay! she didn't get mad!" you jumped up and down, not realizing ran had snatched the puppy from your arms.

"let's go to sleep, baby. don't mind those little noisy pricks."

it took one month. one month for your mom to get used to touching and petting maru. it took one month to get her even a little excited whenever maru did a new trick you taught her.

"maru, sit!" your mom would say with a treat in hand, watching maru squirm around impatiently and jump for the treat. "no, you did it earlier. do it again, come on!" you and rindou sat at the dinner table, watching mom test maru's skills. even rindou couldn't help the grin that would appear on his face whenever they played together.

four months in and ran would occasionally find mom sitting on the floor with maru on her lap as she brushes her curly fur with the expensive brush he bought online because the cheap ones they bought previously always broke and could never get through the amount of matting that had started to form on her fur.

after all, mom could never let it go that bad again. the last time they took maru for grooming, the groomer said she needed to have almost all her fur shaved off because they weren't regularly brushing her. mom and ran were the most devastated after picking her up, she was so skinny under all that fluffy fur. so you and rindou took turns brushing her with the new, and better brush everyday since ran was usually too busy to do that. it was never part of the agreement that mom would do it too, but she can't help herself sometimes. besides, maru seems to like snuggling in her lap and she's less squirmy when mom handles her.

whenever mom cuts slices of mangoes for you to share, she now cuts more slices into even tinier pieces and serves them in a smaller plastic dish. you can already guess which kid of hers got that one.

"aw, look at you. you love maru, don't you ma?" you giggle, taking a picture of mom and maru lying together on the couch like they've always been doing these days. a year passes and maru was only growing more affectionate with mom.

mom's phone rings when she gets a notification of the picture being sent to the family group chat, her sons replying with "aw's" and cute sticker reactions.

mom shakes her head, rolling her eyes. "no, i do not." she claims, her gaze never leaving her phone but her hand never stops scratching maru's neck.

"sure," you snicker, shaking your head as you leave them quietly so maru isn't disturbed.

mom claims that she doesn't love maru, and that she's a burden or a stinky burden, but she panicked when maru came back from grooming with an ear infection because the groomer got water in her ear one time.

or that one time when the four of you were sat at the dinner table and ran drops a single raisin on the floor while he's eating bread. he'll just pick it up later, he thought to himself. mom panicked when suddenly the raisin is gone and ran hasn't gotten up to throw it away.

rindou looked down to see maru under the table with an innocent expression. "i think maru ate it." he said, making everyone rise from their seats to check on maru before rushing her to the vet.

she panicked because she's made a list of all the human foods dogs can and cannot eat and has it all memorized.

mom claims that she doesn't love maru, but she's giving her medicine everyday until she gets better, sitting on the couch with her on her lap while she watches tv, taking videos of her when she's doing a cute trick rindou taught her to do, smiling from ear to ear when you or ran come home from work and greeted with the sound of her barking as she runs up to you.

the house isn't as clean as it used to be. scrunchies, squeaky toys, and fur are scattered in random places. once in a blue moon, maru might pee on someone's bed (but never on mom's). her paws get muddy and needs to be cleaned after a walk in the park, it can get tiring sometimes, but the house is visibly and audibly livelier. you and your brothers are off your phones more, laughing when maru does something funny like occasionally letting out a fart, you and rindou team up together to give her baths at home because mom doesn't trust the groomers anymore, and ran has a fluffy cuddle buddy every morning when maru sneaks in to his room.

mom may not realize it, but the three of you do.

"you think maru's favourite person is mom?" ran contemplates. you and rindou shoot him a look.

"we'll see about that." rindou says, grinning.

the next thing you know, the four of you were lined up next to each other, calling out to maru desperately to see who she'd approach first. ran couldn't help but laugh when he sees maru walking weirdly, confused over who's arms to run to.

in the end, she picks mom because she has her favourite snack hidden in her pocket. you and rindou share the same look of defeat, but all of you know that maru loves everyone equally. just don't forget the snacks.

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ponyguru · 3 months ago

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Yesterday was a sad day. I didn’t feel like I could post something blithely happy about my ponies without saying something about the election, so I’ve been musing on what to say.

Before 2016, I ran more of a ‘general fandom’ type blog on Tumblr, which skewed more heavily towards politics and activism as the orange demon began to come into the limelight. Surely, we thought, nobody would be stupid enough to vote for a reality TV star with zero credentials and so many crimes surrounding him. The election seemed like a slam dunk, since everyone had working brains.

While I had to watch people I thought I could trust celebrating the downfall of our country’s (and my) future, I realized I couldn’t carry on any kind of activism blog and keep myself alive. I leaned into 100% pony toy blogging, just to try and keep my sanity. Pony blogging became an escape, a safe place that was focused wholly on cute, comforting nostalgia. Worrying about finding the latest pony release was easier than worrying about Prop 8 removing gay marriage rights, or the overturn of Roe v Wade. Even if politics always managed to edge into my life, girls toys at least were a space where women and LGBTQIA (usually) weren’t on the fringes and marginalized.

Which leads me back to today, staring down another brutal four years in a wannabe orange dictatorship. I don’t want to simplify it with “don’t worry, we’ll all make it through again!” because a lot of us didn’t make it. I’m glad that I am in a blue state that’s working to preserve my rights, but so many others don’t have that luxury, and I’m deeply afraid for them, too. I’m scared, and a lot of us are scared, with good reason to be.

Ponies aren’t a cure all, and escapism isn’t a fix. We need to keep fighting, but you can’t fight 24/7. Many of us are already fighting just to exist in a country that doesn’t feel welcoming right now. So I’m going to keep posting about my ponies, who are comforting to me, and do my best to create a space that feels safe for me to return to, when the rest of the world isn’t. If you want to come hide in Ponyland for a little while with me every day, you’re welcome to.

I hope you all stay safe, and find a place or activity that helps you to stay alive, too. Staying alive is doing enough, in a world that wants you dead. Anything else you can do is just gravy.

I will share useful resources when I find them, usually via Insta stories, and I will keep posting ponies. Ponies bring me comfort, and I hope you can find something that comforts you, too. Stay safe, and remember that there is a better future coming. We just have to make it there. 💖

OH and I forgot to mention, I tried to comfort myself by washing some ponies from the recent doll show, hence the photo! They all cleaned up very nicely, even if Yum Yum still has a frizzball tail, LOL!

#mylittlepony #mlp #mylittleponyg1 #g1 my little pony #ponyguruchat

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levyfiles · 9 months ago

Note

some people are mad at steven for a moral issue, tbf. regardless of your thoughts on watcher’s streaming service he did still say he has racist and homophobic friends. he still goes to a homophobic church.

STEVEN LIM??? OF WATCHER ENTERTAINMENT??? HOMOPHOBIC???

I assume that you must have been recently introduced to The Pod Clip that the twitter teens who hate him preserved to break out whenever it's a fresh moment to rally hate against him, but I would advise anyone just receiving this clip from August 2020 being passed around with the angle that Watcher tried to hide this to examine the facts of the situation more critically.

I and many others were there when this all went down and just know that I have a zero tolerance standard for people who show no remorse or growth when they uplift racists and bigots so if this was true I would have been long gone from this fanspace.

Myself and other fans who were startled by the statement hoped publicly that it would be an opportunity to clear the air for Watcher because the current political climate was just finally examining anti-blackness in everyone's biases and as someone who is mixed-African growing up in an Asian household, I know that anti blackness is and has been a normalised mindset in the Asian community.

But the thing is, months before this, Steven platformed Tammy Cho and her colleagues to discuss how all of us can work together to stop Asian hate and one of the conversations I highlighted back then was how very clear Tammy was that allyship from the Asian community to the African-American community was tantamount to moving forward. That the us vs them rhetoric has and continues to be harmful for both parties. Ryan and Steven were very involved in this discussion and agreed wholeheartedly.

Having said that, the narrative around the podcast ep never had a chance to be discussed rationally. It really ended up skewed because Steven's response to the backlash from that clip was this

I hope that's legible to you. Many people who felt uneasy about what he said felt a lot better and his intention to say something at the top of the next episode would once again, unfortunately, get derailed because Twitter users (some who are particularly loud about loving and supporting Watcher yet constantly join in on the throng of bullying as soon as the tide turns) were adamant that they needed Watcher to post the clip and Steven's apology publicly on their youtube front page and on the main socials, to literally advertise it when the reality is that not many people were watching/listening to the podcast. For what reason would it be intelligent or good business practice to broadcast this hurtful moment so that more people could get hurt by it?

Watcher's response amid the harassment was to release a full podcast episode where they all discussed what they would do going forward to show that they are allies, not just by not being racist or homophobic but by being anti-these things. They showed that they cared about their impact. It was emotional and devastating to watch and by that time, we knew the pod was likely going to wind down. 2020 was already a miserable time and it was made worse because no matter what Steven or Watcher said at the time, the "stans" on Twitter wanted the man fired, they posted memes saying the world would be better if Steven Lim didn't exist, they wanted him shamed by his staff, and for Ryan and Shane to publicly disavow him. Many of these so-called devoted fans raided the server to yell about how Steven's alleged homophobia hurts them, most of them were white and pointedly talking over people of colour telling them "it's not your apology to accept!". It was a blood bath.

And I see waaaay too many of the same faces utilizing this completely neutral move--that of COURSE could have been executed better--to terrorize Steven, to make petitions to get him fired, commenting on his wedding photo telling him that Tammy should leave him, posting those same damn disgusting memes because you see, a whole bunch of people forgot how disgusting and evil this vendetta was to the point where even watcher's socials started to FOLLOW some of these genuinely mean-spirited individuals. They didn't give a shit about a movement or activism.

What kills me--what absolutely THROWS me--is that these same people expect to be able to return to interacting with the staff, attending live shows, buying merch and sending fan mail as soon as the hate tide winds down. All these people so concerned about a statement referencing faceless hypothetical racists and homophobes that Steven never named nor attributed any context for--as he was never given the chance--are so quick to dehumanize and caricaturize real human beings to their faces and they think this is a normal and acceptable behaviour.

You'll have to excuse me, as an older fan who has seen my fair share of normalised homophobia and racism in these communities, if I disagree.

#watcher #steven lim #discourse

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temporarywelcome · 3 months ago

Text

Night Shift - Spencer Reid

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: You have done everything Spencer wanted for the Halloween season, now it's time for him to do what you want... which you both regret.

WARNINGS: swearing, brief suggestive implications (no smut)

A/N: today is the birthday of my pookie wookie James Patrick March so I won't sleep tonight writing a fic for him so look out for that!

________

“Why the hell are we doing this?”

She grinned in response, eyes on the road as she drove, “You got to choose all the fun Halloween activities, now it’s my turn,”

Spencer sighed, leaning against the window as he looked outside, out into the dark streets of Virginia, “And you have to choose the most childish thing?”

“Actually,” she replied, “I think watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving or whatever it’s called with zero children around is pretty childish,”

“It’s tradition!”

“Boooooring,” Y/N deadpanned, making him roll his eyes, “My ideas are more fun,”

“Two grown adults going to a graveyard in the middle of the night looking for ghosts? Fun? Ghosts don’t exist, Y/N. You know, there’s actually a lot of explanations as to why people think they see ghosts. There are psychological reasons such as pareidolia, and cognitive and confirmation bias. You could even think of the neurological explanations like-”

Y/N zoned out, nodding her head as her boyfriend spoke. She didn’t understand what he was saying half of the time, but she hated how so many people just shut him up. And so she forced herself back to listening to him and his yapping. “You’re so cute,” she said after a while, pinching his cheek, “My favorite yapper,”

“Don’t interrupt me,” he grumbled, swatting her hand away. He went straight back to his blabbering and she just smiled. She was happy he was comfortable enough with her to call her out. Most people just cut him off and he would let it slide, not wanting to be a bother. But when it came to her… he could get cranky.

Y/N laughed, pinching his cheek again, “We’re here anyway. C’mon,”

Rolling his eyes, Spencer followed her out to the back of the car. She opened up the trunk, revealing the overabundance of “supplies” she gathered for this activity: flashlights, night goggles, crosses, even some small vials of holy water?

“You came prepared,�� he mused, picking up a cross with a laugh. She knew he wasn’t religious in the slightest, and she herself wasn’t either, until ghosts were involved.

“Don’t worry, I brought religious symbols from other religions as well,” she said, opening up another duffel bag, “We’re safe,”

“I feel so protected,” he said sarcastically, resting his head on her shoulder as she organized her materials.

“Shut,” Y/N grunted, snapping the night vision goggles into place, “Oh hell yeah. We’re the real deal,”

“Do I have to put that on?”

“Yes,” she slipped the goggles onto his head, patting his hair, “Look at you. Ghost hunter in the making.”

“I probably look so stupid,”

“Nooooo,” she took out her little digital camera and snapped a photo of them together, “We look like hot, sexy, ghost hunters,”

Spencer gave her a look, “You’re insane,”

“I love you too, babe,” she handed him a flashlight, for in case the goggles went out. She then handed him a camera, “We’re gonna catch some ghosts,”

“This is so embarrassing,” he groaned, allowing her to take his hand and drag him through the gate and into the cemetery. He was already looking around, on high alert.

“I like the spirit! Get it? Spirit?” Y/N snickered proudly.

“I’m not searching for ghosts, dummy, I’m searching for living humans that might lose their shit when they see us,” Spencer replied, “And that joke was terrible,”

“As if you could do better,” she huffed, turning on her camera and beginning to record. The cemetery was silent except for the rustle of leaves in the wind and their steps on the grass.

After a few minutes, Spencer was already bored, “I don’t think we’re going to find any ghosts,”

“Shut,” Y/N took a deep breath, “If there are any spirits with us, please make yourselves known,”

“Y/N, you’re talking to yourself,”

“No, I’m not. I’m talking to the spirits,”

“There are no spirits,”

“There so are,”

Spencer sighed, gazing around the cemetery in boredom, “Did you know that in the Arlington National Cemetery, about thirty funerals are conducted in a single day alone?”

“I did not,” Y/N replied, “Morbid. Fits the mood. However, I don’t even know where that place is,”

“Babe, we’re in it right now,”

“Oh,”

“We’re in the largest cemetery in the United States,”

“Hell yeah, there’s gotta be ghosts here then,” Y/N grinned, “Turn your camera on,”

Spencer did as told, not bothering to argue with her. He watched as she continued to call for spirits, hands in the air dramatically. “Babe, all the camera is capturing is you being a fool,”

“When we catch a ghost on camera, we’ll see who the fool is,” Y/N looked at the graves, “There’s so many of them…”

“Lot of fallen soldiers,” Spencer agreed.

“...what?”

“Fallen soldiers,” he repeated, “These graves are for fallen soldiers, veterans, prisoners of war-”

“Holy shit, I feel like such an asshole.”

“Mhm,”

She glared at him, “Let’s get out of here,” Spencer shrugged, slipping his hand into hers as they began walking back towards the gate. “Can’t believe you let me waltz into a veteran memorial in search of ghosts,”

“I thought you at least knew where the hell you were,”

“No, I just looked up cemetery on Google and followed the GPS toward the nearest one, I didn’t even pay attention to the name,”

“Of course you didn’t,” he suddenly stopped in his tracks, Y/N skidding to a stop next to him.

“What is it- oh,” she saw the hooded figure as it disappeared in the shadows. Hooded figure. Disappearing into the shadows.

Hell no.

“What the hell was that,” Spencer said. It didn’t even sound like a question. “You saw that too, right?”

“Right,” her grip on his hand tightened, “C’mon,” she was ready to fucking go.

“I swear if a security guard catches an FBI agent ghost hunting with his girlfriend, I’m going to throw up,” Spencer said in worry, grip on her hand tightening as well. He continued to nervously look around, expecting a security guard to jump out and arrest them both.

“I’m less worried about security guards, more worried about demons,” Y/N whispered the last word, eyes widened almost comically.

“How could you be more worried about what doesn’t even exist?”

“Just because you haven’t seen them doesn’t mean they don’t exist!”

“But there is no factual evidence to support their existence,”

They bickered on for a few minutes, until they heard the snap of a twigs. Spencer jumped, arms immediately going around her in fear, “Shit shit shit shit-”

“Shh!” Y/N pulled out a crucifix, waving it around wildly, “I’ll protect you!”

“With a freaking piece of wood?! Y/N, put that down!” Spencer groaned, now more annoyed than scared.

“I'm prepared,” she then pulled out some amulet with a hand symbol on it, waving the object around.

Spencer rolled his eyes, no longer scared, “If ghosts were actually real I'm sure you'd be the reason we would die,”

“At least you're not scared anymore,”

“Because I'm flabbergasted,”

Another twig snapped and she raised the amulet again, “Show yourself, spirit!”

“I'm going to the car,” he deadpanned, until he saw it again. The shadowy figure. He squeaked, on instinct snatching the crucifix from her belt and pointing out, “Shit shit shit shit,”

“They're back is turned,” Y/N realized, “It doesn't see us… what is it doing?”

The dark figure was doing something, but it was too far for them to see. Y/N stepped closer and Spencer immediately gripped her wrist, “What the hell are you doing?”

“Investigating?” She stated the obvious.

“Okay but what if it's one of those demon devils you're so afraid of?”

She paused, biting her lip, “but I wanna know,”

“I swear if this shit was real you'd get us both killed- HOLY SHIT-” as soon as Spencer turned his head from her to the figure, it was right in front of him.

Well, he. An older white man with unsettling blue eyes and thinning salt and pepper hair, smile lines forming on his cheeks, grimace on his lips.

Spencer and Y/N screamed.

“You little shits!” The man barked out, “Get the hell out of here before I have you arrested-”

They were gone. They did not need to be told twice.

“I hate you!” Spencer hissed at his girlfriend as they sprinted out of the cemetery.

“We can have angry sex later, babe,” she replied dryly, pissing him off even more, “Missionary, so we could keep arguing,”

Spencer dived into the passenger seat of the car, “You're disgusting NOW DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!”

“Shit, I'm going I'm going!” She exclaimed in response, starting the engine. She sped off, getting a glance at the pissed off look on his face, “Oh the angry sex is gonna be crazy,”

_____

Later that night, after that crazy fucking angry sex, Y/N let out a tired yawn, turning on the TV. Spencer was passed out next to her, so she kept the volume low as she flicked through the channels.

She stopped on a random news station, leaning against the headboard and lazily bringing an arm around him as she watched the news story.

Armed grave robber arrested at Arlington National Cemetery. That was the headline.

“Holy shit!” Y/N exclaimed, causing Spencer to snap up in alarm.

“What?! What happened?!” he said in worry, starting to scramble out of bed.

“Look!” she pointed at the news report, which was showing the mug shot of a familiar grumpy-looking older man.

“The guy from the cemetery…?” Spencer sunk down against the pillows, brows furrowed as he watched the screen, “He wasn’t a security guard?”

“I mean, he wasn’t dressed like one. We were just so panicked we didn’t even think about it.”

“I suppose,” he started biting his nails in nervousness, “I swear if we get caught…”

“More angry sex?” she proposed. He glared at her. “Or not…”

#criminal minds #spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #doctor spencer reid #bau team #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid criminal minds #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid x you #dr spencer reid x reader #criminal minds fic #matthew gray gubler

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wiltking · 7 months ago

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had the most baffling transgender win moment today. so my sister is visiting with her two young sons, and she and i do not get along. we basically haven't spoken since she forced my coming out as a teenager but i do my best to be kind and welcoming to her kids because they've done nothing wrong. and ive dealt with some awkward direct questions re: my gender presentation from the older son before, mostly about my hair and why i look like a girl in photos of me as a child, etc. but today while we were all having lunch the younger boy asks his mom, 'is [wilt] a boy or a girl?'

a reasonable question given the way i look. and the way my family will either avoid using pronouns for me or awkwardly stumble through the wrong ones but when i hear this question i immediately gear myself up to tune out whatever insane answer my sister is about to come up with, and the nuclear grade awkward bomb that is about to implode 5 feet away from me. she doesnt hear him the first time though, so he asks it again, and before my sister even has a chance to reply my dad says clearly and firmly 'boy'.

context! my dad and i also basically have not spoken following the aforementioned forced coming out incident, and he has never acknowledged my ongoing transgender status or anything about my transition and he still uses the shortened form of my birthname. hes also extremely right wing.

so when i tell you i short circuited. i left my body. i traveled to an alternate realm. i hit the stratosphere and felt emotions yet undiscovered. surely either i or my dad misheard the question. surely there was no plausible reality where this could have tangibly happened. so naturally, instead of agonizing over it until the day i died, i brought it up to my mom a few hours later fully expecting her to correct my version of events because she was sitting much closer to ground zero at moment of impact but um. no yeah she confirmed the whole thing 😶

#my emotions are still flatlining i dont know how to feel about it #but transgenders stay winning 😝 (????)

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thefirstknife · 6 months ago

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The Infinite Forest

Sighs. This post has been on my mind since we saw the trailer for Echoes, because they showed us the gate to the Infinite Forest and I thought: how many people even recognise that? Let alone have been there? Or know stuff about it? It's not been in the game for over 4 years, outside of a few pvp maps.

The Infinite Forest was a victim of the yoinkening of planets at the end of Arrivals. Unlike Mars and Titan that have since returned, Mercury has not (and neither has Io) so there was really no reason to think about it until they decided to do something with that. And it appears they've decided, something I hoped they might do in Echoes, given that we've speculated from the start that it would be a Vex season.

But now that we did get the proof that we'll be dealing with it somehow, I want to get into it, and mostly because they gave us zero explanation about how is it even possible for us to consider the Forest. I'm going to have a normal time with this one. I know we'll get at least some answers in a few days, but I need to cook in the meantime so I don't descend into madness (too late). Obviously spoilers for this week under the cut, and also a long post:

What is the Infinite Forest?

How does it all work and why?

What happened to it?

Echoes

What is the Infinite Forest?

The best, and arguably only, source for this is unfortunately a vaulted campaign, Curse of Osiris. Here's a link to the campaign from Destiny Lore Vault, but there are also playthroughs around from the time it launched. It's not needed to watch the whole thing, although it is fairly short, but this is where most of the information about it comes from.

There's also the Osiris comics that accompanied the DLC; first two are available on Bungie's site. The third is only in the physical book, helpfully scanned here.

Probably the most concise explanations are from the campaign:

Reflection of Osiris: Behold — the Infinite Forest! A planet sized prediction engine, simulating trillions of realities in parallel, all geared towards a single Vex purpose. Keep going, and you'll see. Sagira: The Vex are simulating reality in here. Brute forcing the future. And before you ask: everything in here IS real enough to kill you.

And this entire lore tab:

Physically, I am beneath the surface of Mercury. That is what Sagira's sensors say. The Vex hollowed out the planet, replaced its molten heart with cold right angles. But that is not what I see. I see infinity. An infinity of possible worlds, so perfectly simulated as to be indistinguishable from the experiences I once called "reality." I can touch them, taste them, pass lifetimes in them! They grow within this machine like fruit upon a tree—no, a forest of trees, its fractal expansion nigh unmeasurable.

Essentially, the Infinite Forest is a simulation engine that the Vex use to make predictions and find possibilities that suit their goals. It's physically located inside of Mercury; the Vex dug into the planet and replaced its insides with the engine. So far it has only been accessible from Mercury, from a single gate. Putting my 7 year old screenshots here like grabbing pictures of loved ones from a photo album:

Ikora noted that Osiris spent a long time studying that gate back in the day, believing it's the entrance. And he was correct.

There is a Vex gateway near your location. Osiris spent years studying it. He was convinced it was the door to the infinite Forest. If it is still possible to find Osiris, we need to open that door.

Osiris, or rather, his reflection, also said:

First, I will show you where it all began. Mercury, untold centuries ago, before the Vex arrived. Here, the Vex planted the seed that became the Infinite Forest, and its Mind, Panoptes. Panoptes has a single purpose — reshape reality for the Vex.

To keep things simple, the campaign revolved around us stopping Panoptes from achieving the Vex' goals by using the Infinite Forest. We ended up killing it, of course. We did so by hopping around through the Forest, going to simulated pasts and futures.

But the Forest largely consists of a really weird constantly shifting space that looks like this:

Thank you past me for this really helpful screenshot. It looks like it's an open sky, but it's not; the ceiling is a solid flat surface. That is the surface of Mercury, seen from the inside of the planet. On the edges of the picture, there's two tall structures; one looks worn down and destroyed, the other looks newly built. These are the gates leading to the actual simulations. The left one leads to a simulated future and the right to a simulated past.

These structures are called "trees" and are the reason why this place is called the Infinite Forest. Each of these "trees" generates a simulation and leads there, but you have to go through this shifting reality with ever-changing platforms to reach them. This is the physical space needed to essentially "run" the Forest.

You can still see this on pvp maps Fragment and Convergence:

A lot of the stuff about how the Vex actually made this was not entirely confirmed at the time; the stuff about Mercury being converted back during the Collapse was something that's been in the lore since literally D1, but not much was known about how true any of that was or how it started and how it was done. This was somewhat cleared up later, in the first page of Trials and Tribulations (from Worthy). I say "somewhat" because like. Reading this page is an exercise for sanity:

Yeah. What this whole thing seems to be implying is a confirmation of Mercury being converted by the Vex during the Collapse. The Vex flooded the planet with radiolaria and drilled into it, changing its terraformed environment into a Vex world. Some of this is shown in Curse when we first visit the simulated past. The Vex appeared and started raising the spires and transforming the surface of Mercury into what we know it as. Its core was eventually fully replaced by the Infinite Forest.

After we killed Panoptes, Osiris essentially claimed the Forest for himself and returned there sort of indefinitely. He would leave years later, when he contacted us in Season of Dawn, though we know that he was periodically leaving anyway, since he was building the Sundial. It's not really been used for anything else, outside of various adventures and the quest for saving Saint which I went into in this post.

How does it all work and why?

It's always been kinda weird that the Forest was not a bigger deal, though it makes sense if we consider the out-of-game factors and the fans' general dislike of Mercury as a whole (which I personally think is a skill issue). The Forest was also difficult to work with so it was difficult to make new content for it which is probably why it was never really done, even though realistically, setting-wise, it should've.

It's mentioned in lore here and there, and Osiris spent his time there a lot up until Dawn. The Infinite Forest also alerted him that our actions drastically changed the Vex predictions which was serious and important enough for him to finally leave. So for all intents and purposes, the Forest was always a big deal, just difficult to implement into gameplay. This is quite unfortunate because it should've reasonably been something to use more, including explaining its danger a bit more in-depth over time. While Osiris did have a major influence over it post-Panoptes, the place was still largely Vex-controlled and they still had access to it.

So why is that dangerous in the first place? After all, it's just a simulation engine. That's true, but the danger is in how the Vex were using those simulations. By having access to a place that generates trillions of situations and possibilities, it allowed them to explore options that would normally be almost impossible to explore in-person, physically. Even the Vex, who can exist outside of time, would need to spend... well... time and resources to explore these options by simply time travelling. With the Forest, they could just generate them all at once, instantly, with no time passing outside of the Forest.

They could use this to simulate anything and then explore what would happen if they followed that possibility, which allowed them to predict more accurately. It allowed them to essentially run a certain scenario through every single possible iteration and see the outcome of all of them, then pick the option that suits them best and act accordingly. It could also let them study their enemies; by simulating many situations and observing how the enemies react in those situations, they could learn about the strategies their enemies use.

This is incredibly powerful and dangerous. But are there limitations to their simulations? Sort of... As we know, the Vex can't simulate Light or any other paracausality, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they can't try. This is where things get complicated because we lack a lot of the details about how this all works.

From what we can tell, the Forest can include simulations that feature paracausality and Guardians; it's seen in the intro cutscene for Curse where Osiris casually wanders into the Guardians raiding the Vault of Glass. It was also briefly mentioned in Lightfall's CE (page 28), where Elsie explores different timelines. In one of them, she finds Osiris wielding Stasis who tells her that he saw her wielding it:

"I saw glimpses of you wielding this power during my time in the Infinite Forest."

This is where things get complicated because we don't truly know if there are meaningful differences between normal simulations and simulations produced by a planet-size machine. The Vex, for all intents and purposes, can't really simulate Light and Guardians, but could they create simulations based on what they've personally experienced? After all, the Vex from the Vault of Glass experienced the Guardians raiding them; can they load up their memories and simply replay it? Would that even count as a simulation or is that simply just a recording that you can access within the Forest?

Is it accessible in other Vex spaces or is the Infinite Forest unique in some way? After all, there is also the Vex network as well as corridors of time. There's also some sort of overlap between them, according to Osiris:

...Vex security measures where the network intersects with the corridors of time.

There's even the implication that a simulation from the Forest could potentially escape the engine and enter the real world.

Sagira: Hey, team! Copies of the Cabal invasion are trapped inside the Infinite Forest. On the, uh, off chance one of them escapes, possibly armed with world-breaking Vex tech… Ghost: Wouldn’t be the first time. We’ll handle this.

There is also the whole question about timelines and realities and how that works in the Forest. Can you use the Forest to look into real timelines and realities, those that might be happening somewhere, or are they just projections and simulations of possibilities? Could you interact with them, and affect other timelines? This is an interesting question now that Echoes is going on with all the stuff about the Conductor and what's happening to Saint, but we currently don't know the answers.

What I think is the most likely is that the Infinite Forest is somehow unique and can offer a lot more than the normal Vex network; its simulation options are so well-developed and so powerful that it can genuinely simulate a lot more than the Vex usually would be able to, including showing glimpses of paracausality, especially glimpses that the Vex have themselves recorded in their interactions with Guardians. Then, they can use the Forest to try and build on that, essentially train the engine by feeding it trillions of data points to attempt to make accurate simulations that lead to good predictions.

And these seem to be the key words: accurate and prediction. The point of simulations is not just to look at things, it's to use them to be able to predict things, giving the Vex an advantage. This is directly referenced and discussed in the lore:

There's just one thing: if Osiris used the Infinite Forest to develop his prophecies, and the Infinite Forest cannot accurately simulate Light, how did Osiris predict the Traveler would wake? The Forest's very inability to predict this very thing is what prevented Panoptes from breaking ground with its apocalyptic calculations.

So what exactly is the Forest capable of? It can definitely show the past even if it involves paracausality. It can also show the future, though the accuracy of any future predictions may be in question, depending on the amount of paracausality involved. It's very much implied that it can also show other timelines and/or realities. And of course, it can simulate future possibilities, as well as show simulations of anything from the past; events or places alike. For example, Osiris simulated the Fundament, apparently:

Ghost: The Forest can generate so many Hive - it might as well be their homeworld. Sagira: We've thought about that. Ghost: Have you simulated the Hive homeworld? Sagira: Didn't go well.

If there are specific limitations, we're not sure what they may be. There probably are, but they're most likely deliberately not spelled out to prevent any kind of conflict with stuff they might want to add to the Forest later; like for example now, with Echoes. Because there's a lot of questions right now about the Forest now that Ikora has so casually told us we're going to be going back in there. So...

What happened to it?

As has been established, the Forest is physically located on Mercury. Or rather, in Mercury. Its one and only entrance is on Mercury as well. And Mercury has been eaten by the Witness over 4 years ago. So that's it then? Well no. Not only is the Forest on an inaccessible planet, it has actually been sealed, from the inside, before the planet was taken.

He struggled with his pack as a tempest beat on his eardrums. He withdrew his Infinite Simulacrum, impossibly small in this immense space, and with trembling fingers synchronized it to the frequency of the crack in the Forest. It ticked like a metronome and then… Silence. The Forest was sealed.

Instead of evacuating, Brother Vance decided to stay on Mercury, go into the Forest, and seal it. I go about it for a long time in this post, but basically he believed that it would be really bad if the Pyramids gained access to the Forest. He also believed that the Sundial did something to the timelines and that the Pyramids could exploit that, as well as the Infinite Forest being somehow "the key to all of this."

He also wanted to use the Forest to... spread hope. Through the timelines?

"I will walk into the Infinite Forest and spread hope, Guardian."

He essentially wanted to do something and prove that even Lightless people can still help. He appeared to be willing to die for this, which is quite strange mostly because this whole idea and endeavour wasn't in the name of Osiris. Hell, in a way, it was about doing something to fix the unknown consequences of Osiris' meddling with the timelines.

You notice Vance's hands are balled tightly at his sides. "The Pyramids draw close. Through this system and beyond, the Lightless are filled with fear. I am no Osiris, true, but in my small way, I will bring light to their darkness." There is clarity in his voice. "I will tell them they must believe."

Since I've gone into it in the other post in a lot more details, I won't go into it here again, although I could. But the point that I want to get across is that the sealing of the Infinite Forest was quite a significant part of Arrivals and the whole plot of the evacuation of Mercury (or rather the non-evacuation of Mercury; the sole reason for Vance staying was to seal the Forest).

In another post (you'll have to scroll through the back-and-forth insanity) I also mentioned how much of Vance's story in Arrivals seemed to be connected to him losing his mind about the effects of the Sundial on the timelines. It also directly links to the Perfect Paradox. All of these things have been quite prominently connected to this episode, especially the stuff with the Sundial and what Osiris has done with it and how it may or may not have affected the timelines and, most of all, Saint and the whole ordeal of saving him.

It's fairly unclear how many characters know what happened to the Forest though. The YW knows obviously because Vance told us directly. I do believe that Zavala would also know as we reported back to him, which also most likely extends to Ikora as well. Another issue is that we don't really have any specific proof that the sealing was successful or permanent. It seems like it was, but a lot of stuff could've happened in the past 4 years of Mercury being in an anomaly.

As I've mentioned many times before, Mercury is the last unsolved plot from Arrivals; as in, we genuinely don't know anything about it. Mars has returned in WQ and Ana's side of the story was concluded in Seraph. While Io is still gone, Asher's story was concluded in Defiance through Avalon. Titan returned in Deep, which solved the story of the planet and also Sloane. We know why these planets were taken (with the exception of Io, though it's fair to assume it had something to do with the Pyramidion because of Asher's story being tied to it), and we know what happened to all of the vendors. Except Mercury and Vance; two things inherently connected to the Infinite Forest.

We don't truly know why Mercury was yoinked, though it's once again fair to assume it was most likely for the Forest. But you know. It got sealed so the Witness couldn't do anything with it and we have no idea what it was doing with Mercury all this time. We also don't know what the hell was Vance on about when he talked about the "anchored timelines" and how the Forest is incredibly important to everything. Due to how unreliable he is, it could just be his usual cringefail. After all, Osiris himself did not have any plans for the Forest himself; he was upset that he'd lose it, but he didn't think anything more about it, even if during Dawn he insisted that the Forest cannot be sealed or destroyed yet.

But also I think dismissing it all is an easy mistake to make, and possibly a deliberate one. Everything with Vance is written to be as easy to dismiss as possible, but he did know certain things that were absolutely correct and real. Not to go on about the tones again, but. Yeah. And given the current situation...

Echoes

Failsafe has come up with a plan for which she needs data from the Vex. She specifically needs data that can be compared to the altered Vex on Nessus, so we need large amounts of information that hasn't been changed or messed with. She concluded that the best source of that data would be Saint's dead body. It exists in a specific space (and time) and would have this information; information that has not been altered or influenced by anything else because that Saint is dead and preserved as is.

Failsafe explained this to Ikora and Ikora agreed that this is the best source, she's just worried about how this will affect Osiris and Saint. She doesn't want us to tell them. So next reset, we're going to the Infinite Forest to find Saint's tomb again. Yay!

But like. How?

They presented this so casually, with Ikora even saying that the best "accessible" source of this data is the Forest and Saint's tomb. And I know that they know that we know that Mercury is gone and that the Forest was sealed. But they've already showed us the gate to the Forest on Nessus, twice: in the mini showcase and then in the intro to the season in-game:

The first picture is showing the gate when it's open. And yes, this specific portal effect has only ever been used for the Forest. The second image shows the gate when it's closed with that impenetrable barrier. The structure itself is different from the original; it's worn down, coloured differently and doesn't have the same tip - instead there's the weird orb and the statue. It looks far more Nessus-like, and closer to present-day Vex, or maybe future Vex. But it's guarded by Precursors, so I don't know. It definitely doesn't look like the original however.

We clearly aren't going to Mercury. And even if we were, how would we enter? Neither Failsafe nor Ikora have mentioned this little problem and it seems as if they already know that the gate is on Nessus; I assume they'll discuss the details of this in the Act 2 finale next week. But the problem is that without all of this context, how do they even explain the issue with the Forest? They can always shorten this to some reasonable quick explanation, but they still have to explain how are we entering the Forest. There's a few key problems.

Obviously, number 1 is that the Forest is on Mercury and as of now Mercury is still in the anomaly.

The Forest itself is sealed from the inside.

So far it has not been possible (or at least not known to us) to enter the Forest from any other location. As we've seen, Osiris spent years looking for the entrance and back in Arrivals he was quite upset about losing the Forest. If he simply had the ability to enter it without being physically on Mercury, then why bother or lament Mercury's loss?

It is, to our knowledge, one of a kind. It took quite a tremendous effort to build it and it requires a lot of power to run; a whole planet.

Possible solutions:

Mercury is back and Ikora hasn't told anyone yet because she doesn't want anyone to go there yet; perhaps it's in quarantine. I don't think this is very likely, but it's possible.

Opening a gate to the Forest from another location IS possible and we just didn't know about it.

Opening a gate to the Forest from another location is possible only because of the situation with the Echo; a powerful source of paracausal power can maybe help us do this remotely. So this simply wasn't an option before the Echo's existence.

The Vex and the Conductor have built or are still building a new Forest inside of Nessus this time. The Vex lost access to the original, either simply because of the anomaly or because it was sealed or both, so now with the Echo they're just doing it again, and better. So the Forest we're going into is not the original, but a new one; the assumption being that the data from the old Forest is accessible to the Vex so the new Forest can essentially run the same code as the old one, allowing us access to Saint's tomb.

The Vex and the Conductor only have to build a new gate that can lead us to the old Forest, despite it being in an anomaly and despite it being sealed. It essentially just brute forced another door.

And the possibilities in regards to it being sealed:

As I mentioned before, maybe the sealing wasn't as successful as we (or Vance) thought.

Vance is somehow still alive and he will open it for us from the inside, essentially concluding his role from Arrivals.

Maybe the sealing wasn't permanent; either the Vex could eventually counteract this, or Vance couldn't hold it closed for very long. He's a Lightless man and it's quite dubious how long he could survive inside. Maybe the seal automatically broke when (if?) he died.

If we're going with the option that this is a new gate to the old Forest, then as I said before, this may simply be able to counteract the seal.

If we're dealing with a completely new Forest, the seal may simply not even be in effect. The old Forest is sealed, but we're not going to the old one so it doesn't matter.

What I'm assuming is that Osiris could open the gate if he saw one again, so if the gate is simply now on Nessus (either to a new Forest or connecting to the old one), Osiris can just use his cubes as he did before and open it again, counteracting the seal. Vance's device used to seal it was made from Osiris' notes anyway, so I'm assuming it's something similar to the cubes. In that case it can just be opened with the same thing.

Ikora will just blast it open like she did back in Curse. Seal or no seal, new or old Forest, she doesn't give a shit,

There's an option for all of these that's basically just they don't mention it all. I don't think this is very likely, but hey. It's possible!

I've been running these scenarios in my head for days. Actually, I've been running them ever since the showcase for Echoes showed us the gate to the Forest, but this significantly increased when this week confirmed that we are indeed heading in there. And it was delivered so matter-of-factly as if there aren't any of these problems and scenarios I listed above. This is baffling me. I know there will be some explanations offered, but the setup completely blindsided me with how it was delivered. Ikora with the simple "Oh yeah the best place to grab data from is the Infinite Forest. Pack it up boys." And I'm standing there with a 8 hours long presentation asking her to explain how. She blocks my number on vannet.

Perhaps the situation is far simpler than I'm making it out to be. It would be really easy to just write the old Forest and Mercury away as being permanently lost. That way you don't have to explain or deal with any of the stuff with the anomaly or the yoinkening or Vance's shenanigans. I will obviously remain forever unhinged about it if that's the case because I simply need to know what happened, but it's the easiest way to deal with this. The Echo allowed the Vex to make a new Forest, they're using massive amounts of radiolaria and the core of Nessus to just recreate it all, then they copied all the data from the old one into it, booted it up and that's it.

But what if the seal is in effect? Or what if we're dealing with the old Forest on Mercury that's still in the anomaly? How do they plan to deal with that in a single mission? Well... We have no clue.

Bungie article lore time, but back last year in the State of the Game article, they said this about the pvp map Multiplex:

Although many of us had been thinking about a lo-fi Vex map for the Crucible, the challenge of this palette was the possible lack of player orientation in the play space. We thought bringing the Mars palette into the Vex Network realm would be a great way to mitigate this while adding an evocative look. Narratively, the space is in the middle of compiling the Infinite Forest, so this is what you’ll see in action.

Yes, while everyone was losing their mind about this article, I was looking for lore about the Infinite Forest. But yeah. It seems like they have information about it in the network and they were using it to compile that information; perhaps preparing to make a new one? Or simply using it for data.

So essentially, the Vex could have enough information about the Forest to recreate it, and better now with the Echo, which would allow us to simply bypass the anomaly and the Forest being locked, while allowing us to enter and still find Saint's tomb. This is by far the easiest solution.

But I want a conclusion on Mercury and Vance. I feel like this episode is the only time to really do that and they've been giving us so many Mercury things already, clearly showing that it was a big inspiration for it all. The music, the assets, the enemies. This includes the stuff about Saint and his grave, as well as the whole thing with the Perfect Paradox. There's still Act 3 of course and some still unknown exotic mission, but I feel like the quest that has us literally going into the Infinite Forest to revisit a place not even from Dawn, but from Curse, is the best spot to also deal with this.

I just have no idea how that's going to happen and I wanted to list out the stuff that would have to be somehow addressed and solved, even if the solution ends up being the simplest one. I also wanted to try and list some information about the Forest itself since this thing has not been in the game for years. I hope this was useful and that it explains things well.

Anyway, I've spent the whole week pacing around my room like a wild animal. Help.

In conclusion:

#destiny 2 #echoes #infinite forest #vex #nessus #osiris #brother vance #long post #lore vibing #i've been having a normal one this week #and yes that's me in the photo. don't even worry about it #needed to get this out to prepare my brain with all scenarios for tuesday #most likely it'll be something wild that i've not considered #but i'm really really interested to see how they'll explain the forest stuff. i'm very excited for tuesday #and scared for my emotions of course

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